AdSence

Sunday 27 July 2014

A Simple Hello

 I have always felt sympathy and compassion for the kids I see at school walking all alone, for the ones that sit in the back of the room while everyone snickers and makes fun of them.  But I never did anything about it.  I guess I figured that someone else would.  I did not take the time to really think about the depth of their pain. Then one day I thought, what if I did take a moment out of my busy schedule to simply say hello to someone without a friend or stop and chat with someone eating by herself? And I did.  It felt good to brighten up someone else's life.  How did I know I did?  Because I remembered the day a simple kind hello changed my life forever.


By Katie E. Houston. From the book "Chicken Soup For
The Soul.

Thursday 24 July 2014

3 Habits You Must Give Up If You Want Sustained Happiness

You, my friend, were born with a birthright.
You were born with the birthright to be happy every single day.
Everything you need to be happy is given to you from the moment you make your first cry. And you still have those things to this very day.
  • You have your primary needs met — food, shelter, clothing.
  • You have intelligence that allows you to work, create, observe, feel, and experience.
  • You have relationships with people who care for you, who engage with you, and who afford human connection.
  • You live on a beautiful, amazing planet free for you to explore and enjoy.
  • You have easy access to information, ideas, books, entertainment, music, art, and many other things to heighten the senses and stimulate the mind.
In other words, you truly have everything you need right now to be happy.
Yes, we all have had difficulties, childhood issues, health problems, relationship upheavals, and unexpected tragedies that undermine our feelings of happiness. Many of these things are simply out of our control. And sometimes they create emotional and psychological problems that separate us from happiness for long periods.
Fortunately, most of us have the ability to heal from these unexpected life problems, to learn from them, and to move forward with happy lives. And yet the feeling of sustained happiness, that mixture of underlying contentment and joy, seems to elude most people.
Do you feel sustained happiness yourself?
Do you see it in the people around you?
When you observe someone who lives from that state of happiness, rather than constantly striving for happiness, you recognize that this person has a gift of some kind, a special knowledge or personality trait that lights them up from the inside out.
There are people born with “happier” personalities. But personality alone does not constitute sustained happiness. Achieving that sense of inner contentment and joy is more a matter of releasing things that have become daily habits. These habits separate us from the happiness that is immediately accessible to us every day. And they will continue to do so until we recognize them in ourselves and do the work to let them go.
What are these bad habits? I’ve outlined 3 major culprits below and what you can do to change them.

1. Listening to negative self-talk

If you pay attention, you’ll notice you have a running dialogue in your brain. And quite often that dialogue is negative. You have self-talk that is self-defeating. You think negatively about your appearance, your worthiness, your intelligence, your abilities, your value, and any number of concerns that you’ve trained yourself to believe.  And you believe because you listen.
Perhaps at one point in your life, something happened to make these thoughts appear. But whether there is a little truth or no truth at all in these thoughts, thinking about them and listening to your thoughts only further entrenches you in negativity and separates you from happiness. Your thoughts are far out-of-proportion to the reality.
So what can you do?
The first thing you can do is start paying attention. Put a post-in note on your computer or write a word on the back of your hand to remind you to observe your thoughts. Notice how often negative self-talk is passing through your brain, and notice what you are saying about and to yourself.
When you catch yourself in the negative thoughts, first just say the word “STOP” — either out loud if you are alone (the spoken word has power) or to yourself if you aren’t. Then take action. If the negative self-talk is something you can and/or should do something about, then do it. For example, if you are thinking, “I’m so fat,” and you really need to lose a few, then run up and down the stairs a few times or prepare something healthy to eat. Positive action makes you feel better.
Even if your thoughts have no basis in reality, take some positive, forward moving, or enjoyable action anyway. This will both distract you from the negative thoughts andbuild your self-esteem.
So in general, get out of your head and do something! Eventually you will break the habit of negative self-talk as you continue to replace it with positive action. You might create a list of positive actions you can take to have handy when you catch yourself in negative thinking.

2. Worrying what other people think

So much of our angst and unhappiness in life comes from worrying what other people will think.
  • We hold ourselves back.
  • We say yes when we mean no and no when we mean yes.
  • We give up on dreams or chase the wrong ones.
All because we worry about the judgments and opinions of others. We worry about hurting their feelings or letting them down, while abusing our own feelings and letting ourselves down.
Once you are able to disengage from concern about what others think, it will be the greatest liberation of your life. When you give up on trying to make others happy or trying to prevent them from thinking poorly of you, then you are free to be yourself completely and unreservedly.
That’s not to say you can’t make conscious choices about how you wish to accommodate or show respect and kindness to others. You can do that within the framework of putting your own needs and desires first most of the time.
The people you want in your life are those who love and respect you for who you are and how you choose to live — not those who reject or diminish you because you make certain choices in life.
Most of the time, when we stop worrying about what others think and start living life on our own terms, we actually become more attractive people. Yes, you may lose a few people in your life as a result, but are these really people you want in your life anyway?
So what can you do?
If you have been one who constantly worries about what others might think, it will take a bit of time to retrain yourself and release this bad habit. Start by defining what YOU really want from life, who you really want to be. Write down all of the things you are afraid to do or be because you worry about what others might think.
Then write down the list of people who might be offended by your choices or actions.
  • How many of these people do you really value?
  • Of the people you value, do you really believe they will reject you because of your choices?
  • How could you communicate your desires to them in a kind and loving way?
If you are worried about the general masses of people (ie: neighbors, Facebook friends, casual acquaintances) and what they might think or say — let that go. Simply stop caring. You will never please all people all the time. There should be just a handful of people in your life whose good opinion matters to you enough to consider their feelings or thoughts before you act.
In general, practice making choices in spite of your concern about what others might think. The more you practice, the more you realize that you won’t die, people who love you won’t reject you, and they might actually like the “real you” even better.

3. Longing for more

If you are really honest with yourself, you must admit that you have everything you need in life and much of what you want. And between the demands of work and life responsibilities, how much time do you have to really enjoy more than what you have right now?
There is a difference between wanting to improve your quality of life and longing for more. When you long for more, your happiness hinges on achieving or attaining the thing you long for. So you postpone happiness until you get the thing you want. But sometimes you don’t get the thing you long for. And sometimes you get it, but the happiness it brings is fleeting. So you long for something else.
So life becomes a cycle of long periods of longing followed by brief encounters with happiness.
But it is possible to work to improve your quality of life and remain happy in the present moment. You improve your quality of life through . . .
  • passionate and fulfilling work
  • positive and fun experiences (ie: travel, adventure, culture, etc.)
  • financial stability
  • good health
These are things you should continue to improve throughout your life, but they don’t require you to postpone happiness until you do. You can continue to be happy with the life you have right now while you find new ways to improve these “happiness fostering” circumstances.
So what can you do?
Begin by focusing with gratitude on what you have right now that is rewarding, fulfilling, and that brings you joy. Write a list of these things and keep it handy where you can read it every day. Sometimes we forget how much we have when we get caught up in longing for more.
When you catch yourself longing, feeling anxious or frustrated that you don’t have what you think you want or need, refer to this list as a reminder of all of your blessings. Remember that material things rarely bring sustained happiness. We can get momentary pleasure from new clothes, a fancy car, or a big screen TV, but those things don’t provide sustained happiness.
If you want to quickly move past the feelings of longing, there are three things you can do immediately to help:
  • find someone to serve
  • finding something to create
  • do something to improve yourself or to further your quality of life goals
Sustained happiness isn’t really so hard to achieve. Once you release listening to negative self-talk, worrying what others think, and longing for more, you will see that happiness is sitting on your doorstep, just waiting for you to come home.

Wednesday 16 July 2014

A Secret Scrolls message - Rhonda Bryne

The fastest way to become the Master of your thoughts and emotions is through challenging situations. If your life is going along fairly smoothly, there are not the same opportunities that enable you to strengthen your power and become the Master of your thoughts and emotions.
You see, even challenges are beautiful opportunities in disguise.

 A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret

Wednesday 9 July 2014

Who You Are Makes A Difference

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a week
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons, and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened."
Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure."
The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you do me a favor? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people."
That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I'm a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says 'Who I Am Makes A Difference' on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. I want to honor you.
"My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid and I love you!"
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "I was planning on committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you loved me. Now I don't need to."

Helice Bridges

Saturday 5 July 2014

Don't Quit!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

http://psalm40.org/dontquit.html

Wednesday 2 July 2014

Get Organised!

Getting Organized


Years ago my family and I moved from a cramped two-bedroom apartment into a spacious house. Instead of having to squeeze my home office in half a room, I finally had a nice 10' x 12' room all to myself. Since I was accustomed to working in less than half this area, I knew I'd have plenty of room to work with, so I wanted to intelligently organize it in a way that would allow me to work efficiently on a variety of projects without creating a cluttered mess. While browsing a local bookstore before the move, on a whim I bought a book called Organizing From the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern. It contained many great organizing tips and adroitly explained where people normally go wrong when trying to get organized. I'd like to share with you what I learned from reading this book and organizing my home office from scratch.

Julie's book starts off with a strong statement that at first I didn't believe. She says that if you're one of those people who are surrounded by clutter and just can't seem to get organized, then you simply never learned how to get organized. If you maintain a messy environment, it just means you lack the skills of organizing, which anyone can learn. Having read several other books on organizing since then, I feel that Julie is partly right. Organizing can be broken down into a step-by-step process that anyone can follow.

What Creates Clutter? 

Julie points out several technical flaws that can prevent one from becoming organized, but my perception is that at a basic level, there is really just one flaw: a failure to systematize common decisions. Whenever I leave things lying out, it's because I'm not ready to decide what to do with them yet. So the process of organizing really comes down to having a system for automating decisions about where everything goes. Disorganized people have few or no systems, so they must make every decision on a case by case basis. Eventually this becomes overwhelming, and clutter begins to pile up. Organized people will make far fewer decisions in the long run. It takes far more time to be disorganized than it does to be organized because disorganized people lose so much time to inefficiency.

Learning How to Get Organized 

Now let's outline a step-by-step process for organizing your home office from start to finish. The first step is analysis. How do you spend your time in your office? Make a list of the different types of tasks you perform there, and create a list of functional zones that your office will need. If you are a programmer, this should be an easy task if you think of it in terms of designing a computer program. If you had to program a robot to perform all the different tasks you did in your office, how would you organize those tasks into separate modules? For instance, I came up with a list of six categories for myself: general paperwork, computer work, creative work, financial work, business reading, and manual order processing and shipping. Ideally you want to create a list of clearly defined categories that overlap as little as possible.

Next, determine what physical equipment and materials you need for each category. For instance, for creative work I need access to writing instruments, design notebooks, a marker board, and a corkboard. For shipping orders I need access to packaging materials, recordable CDs, postage, a postal scale, and so on. At this step I realized I also needed a storage and reference zone for my books, files, and extra supplies.

Now that you have your office materials functionally divided into different zones, the next step is to assign physical areas of your office to each zone. Ideally you want these zones to overlap as little as possible, but some overlap is usually necessary, especially if you use your computer for many different tasks. Take some time to determine an arrangement of furniture that will best suit your functional needs.

A key to this stage is to envision what your ideal office would look like. Forget about what furniture you already own, and don't worry about cost or space constraints at this point. Just use your imagination, and think about what you'd really want if cost were irrelevant. Write this down on paper, and even sketch out your ideal office layout, noting which work zones you would assign to each physical area.

Now that you know what you want for your ideal furniture layout, brainstorm ways you can get as close to that ideal as possible, given budget and space constraints. Many people, myself included, have inherited old furniture that no longer serves them. Just because you happen to already own it doesn't mean it's the right choice for you today. Don't be afraid to sell old furniture and replace it with something more functional. You can find plenty of reasonably priced self-assembly office furniture at office superstores, and many offer free delivery. I bought my computer desk, hutch, rolling drawer cabinet, and printer stand for a total of $99 new, but I had to assemble them myself. I also bought three six-foot folding tables for about $35 each, and they can be moved around easily. Additionally, I picked up five stacking shelves (60" tall, 36" wide, 10" deep) for only $20. Bookcases are cheap too, about $40-60 for one with six shelves. If you want that hand-carved mahogany desk, you'll pay a premium for it, but if you go for the basic, functional stuff, you can fill your office with furniture for just a few hundred dollars, even if you buy everything new. Measure furniture and play with different configurations in your favorite image editing software. Or make paper cut-outs to scale and experiment with them. It's much easier to do this than physically moving the furniture around.

Now that you've settled on an office furniture layout, place the equipment, materials, and supplies for each zone into that zone. As you determine how to zone your office, you might want to have redundant supplies for convenience. I need writing instruments for most tasks, so I have containers for them on both sides of the room. Don't store things just where they seem to fit. Store materials as close as possible to the point where you'll actually use them. Inconvenient storage can easily lead to clutter. If you're always losing pens, for instance, perhaps it's because you don't have pen containers located where you actually need them. Let your functional needs dictate your office layout.

At this point you have a nice design for your office layout, and you've planned out zones for all your activities. But how do you deal with the existing clutter and ensure that it doesn't return? The solution is to find out what patterns there are to your clutter and create simple systems to deal with it. Piles of clutter often accumulate simply because you don't know what to do with all those pieces of paper, or you haven't yet found the time to make all the necessary decisions those piles represent.

Sort the Clutter 

Sort all the items in those piles of clutter. For this task you can place several boxes on the floor and begin placing items into the boxes. The key is to sort items in a way that makes sense from a functional standpoint. Ask yourself under what conditions each item would be needed, and sort items by similar conditions. For instance, I had one box for stuff that needed to be filed, another box for design materials, another box for trash, and so on. Even though it may seem like a good idea, don't start putting things away just yet. When clutter accumulates, there's usually a good reason for it, and you want to learn why such items turned into clutter, even if you know where those items should go.

Now that you've sorted the clutter, grab one of the boxes and take a look at the contents. Ask yourself why these items ended up as clutter. It's most likely because you didn't have a good system for dealing with these items. Maybe these items don't have an assigned home, or maybe the storage location you've assigned them is too inconvenient, so it's easier just to leave them out. Maybe you have items that need to be filed, but you don't yet have a file for them, and your blank file folders are inconveniently stowed away deep in your closet. Ask yourself under what conditions each item might not have ended up as clutter. This will give you a clue as to how to prevent the clutter from returning.

Give Every Object a Home 

As you go through the boxes one by one, assign a home to each item. Where will you put those old bank statements? Where should all those design notes go? If you had a box for trash, go through those items and note what should have been thrown away. If you assign a convenient home to every item, you will be much more inclined to put them away. Once I did this I found that my office was self-maintaining. I always put things away because the storage for items is right next to where they're used.

Assign appropriate containers for items. Take a trip to the local office supply store to get an idea of all the different types of containers that are available, or browse a web site such as OfficeDepot.com . Don't be afraid to buy new storage such as drawers and shelves once you identify a need for them. Where clutter has accumulated, most likely items either have no home, or the storage isn't convenient. Acknowledge your true needs -- don't fight them. If you have a short bookcase, would a taller one serve you better? If your trash container seems to be constantly overflowing, replace it with a larger one, or place multiple trash containers in different areas of your office. I found two trash containers to work much better for me than just one, so I always have one within reach when I need it, and I don't have to empty them as often.

For many years I've used something called a project box (similar to a literature sorter) to organize materials. It is a wooden box about three feet across, one foot high, and one foot deep with four small cardboard drawers, four shelves, and a book/binder storage area. I like this because it provides very versatile and accessible storage. I use the shelves to store current paperwork I need to handle, and I use the drawers for frequently accessed materials like banking and mailing supplies. The drawers are fully removable, so I can take them out when I need them and put them back when I'm done. Any office store will also carry a variety of plastic drawer cabinets, ranging from small desktop units to larger floor cabinets on wheels. The drawers are usually made of clear plastic, so you can always see the contents inside. Small drawers are great for storing things like postage, rubber stamps, and other odds and ends that may clutter up your work area.

If your space is tight, go vertical. There are many storage units that can be mounted on walls or stacked vertically. Also note the space beneath tables. Many containers can fit in those spaces to store infrequently accessed supplies.

Put It Away 

Once you've sorted the clutter, chosen the right containers, and assigned convenient homes for everything, take the time to put everything where it should go. This shouldn't take long at all if you've made all the decisions in advance. Don't take any shortcuts, or they will come back to haunt you later. Disorganized people make life harder by forcing themselves to always make a new decision on where each item should go. Organized people establish systems so that the proper place for each item is obvious; thus, no new decisions have to be made each time. For instance, when I receive postal mail, I automatically place the bills and financial statements into the bills drawer, the junk mail into the trash, the magazines into the magazine rack, and items that require other processing into my inbox.

To me the greatest benefit of getting organized has been a greater ability to concentrate when working and a greater ability to relax when not working. Working in a self-maintaining, uncluttered environment can increase productivity by making the process of work flow more smoothly. If you feel that excess clutter is overwhelming your ability to relax and enjoy your work environment, take the time to make your organizing decisions in advance about where everything should go and why. Then you can focus on getting your real work done, since you'll be able to quickly recognize where each object goes and conveniently put it away.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/getting-organized.htm